“Marriage is under attack.”
“The family is under attack.”
In traditional religious circles and similar groups these types of sayings are a polemical cliche. In this case though, the cliche is true. One of the remarkable things about this book is how many anecdotes and examples Wilcox is able to bring to bear, demonstrating the criticism of marriage and the family coming from many sources and on various grounds.
For instance, there's the “Eat, Pray, Love” approach where marriage squelches someone's individual freedom and self-expression, they're just not feeling it, so the solution is to ditch the spouse (husband, in that case) and go off on a quest to find “happiness”. Marriage destroys the true self, ruins financial well-being, kills your sex drive and you'll just be abandoned and betrayed in the end, probably. So why do it?
Brad Wilcox doesn't make the religious case here but rather makes use of large pre-existing surveys to assess existing data on families to see what statistics might tell us. Remarkably he manages to match his statistical analysis with an engaging, well-written account that presents very well even if you don't care to get into the numbers so much.
One could criticize and quibble about whether analyzing statistics is the best way to defend marriage and family, but what's remarkable to me is how little of this type of account I see otherwise. It's not as if data-driven defenses of marriage are the norm and we're getting tired of them. Thus this book fills a gap in the account of marriage that needed to be filled.
Wilcox organizes his chapters by first introducing his subject and the state of marriages in American culture (not good). Then he introduces us to the “masters of marriage” - the cultural groups that are still practicing marriage well in current society. Chapters 3 to 5 debunk a number of popular cultural myths that denigrate marriage – the flying solo myth, the family diversity myth, the soulmate myth. Further chapters debunk the desirability of looking out for number one, the parent trap, and the “maybe I do” mentality. Chapter 9 wanders into feminist irritating territory talking about what really makes her happy. Chapter 10 irritates the irreligious with a defense of religion as a marriage positive. The 11th and the final chapter criticizes the “political class” - which would be most leading political and cultural figures – for their failing of the American family.
Wilcox adopts a generally conciliatory tone toward those who disagree. I would have enjoyed eliminating some of the throat-clearing (“of course not everyone has to get married”) and letting the chips fall. This book provides any reasonable-minded reader with a good case to consider and, perhaps most usefully, clarifies the issues for those who were already persuaded.